The Last Time…

Ella is officially a toddler. I never looked at her this way until now. Not really sure how I feel about it, but I know it’s something every mom goes through with their children, so I’m not alone. I realize Ella will never be a baby again and this fact tugs on my heart a little. I came across a poem someone wrote about the evolution of children and it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, when you had freedom and time, and nothing in particular to worry about. You will know tiredness like you never knew it before, and days will run into days that are exactly the same, full of feedings and burping, diaper changes and crying, whining and fighting, naps or a lack of naps, it might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget…
There is a last time for everything. There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time. They will fall asleep on you after a long day and it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child. One day you will carry them on your hip, then set them down, and never pick them up that way again. You will scrub their hair in the bath one night and from that day on they will want to bathe alone. They will hold your hand to cross the road, they will never reach for it again. They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles, and it will be the last time you ever wake to this. One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions, then never sing them that way again. They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate, the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone. You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face. They will one day run to you with arms raised, for the very last time. The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time until there are no more times, and even then, it will take you a while to realize. So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.”

I happened to read this the same night Ella slept in her big girl bed for the first time (January 23). She almost slept there the entire night, but decided to crawl into our bed at 4am. I wasn’t at all disappointed even though I was delirious from the lack of sleep. I thought about the fact that one day, she will no longer need me the way she does now. I cuddled her until morning and listened to her little moans while she slept with her blankie over her face. Sweet moments like these are ones to cherish. 

In the morning, Ella left our room and ran into her kitchen to make breakfast. I peeked into the room and watched her bring some food to Avery and made sure to tell her the eggs and bopples (waffles) are HOT!

Today I removed her crib from her room and we said our goodbyes to the bed she once slept in as a newborn. The bed she found comfort in for the past two+ years. While Ella found this to be fun since her room was transformed into a big girl room, I was a little sad to see it go. This is the moment I realized Ella will never be a baby again. 😦

Fun facts about Ella:
She loves to wear bootssss and she brings her backpack wherever she goes. It’s usually filled with her princesses and sometimes a baby or two. Her favorite movies are Tangled (Tang Tanged), Frozen and Brave. Disney movies have become background noise at our house and I’m pretty sure I’ve memorized every line. Lol. She started ballet and tap this month and loves to watch the other girls ‘dance’. She loves getting the mail with me each night and helps dad take out the trash. She is improving her screaming abilities and the temper tantrums are at an all time high, but we still love her 😉 She started calling dad, Ryan and babe the other night after hearing me call his name from the other room. She is getting really good at making her bedtime routine go on forever. We usually take a bubble bath in our big tub, get jammies on and she picks out several books to read and start over once we get to the last page. We have to line all of her princesses up on her vanity and if I don’t put them in the right place, she tells me ‘no mama’ and moves it to where it should go. Duh! Each night she asks me to write names on her back with my finger. Tay Tay, Bapa, gram, mama, daddy, bus bus (Gus Gus from Cinderella) and each one of her princesses. I sing you are my sunshine and tuck her in and now that she isn’t in her crib, I lay by her side for a minute (or ten).

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